Souvenirs

It's Spring time, and love is in the air.

At least love is alive and well in 1st grade at Katrina's school - which has made me think back to the ghosts of past loves and some of the ways that they have touched my present and directed me in who I have become today...


I was not an early dater.  I went to an all-girl high school, so meeting boys was a challenge both then, and in college - I just didn't know what I was supposed to do!  To boot, I was more than happy to be one-of-the boys, making me more popular in listening to their girl problems than actually being one of their girl problems.


Eventually love found me, and I wound my way through a few key male relationships that helped boost my self esteem, pushed me to try new things and introduced me to some of my core comforts almost two decades later.


Those who know me know that I am a huge Jimmy Buffett fan.  More his more recent, more introspective work, but a Parrot Head, none-the-less.  Jimmy recorded a little known song in the early 90's that sums up the journey that most of us have the privilege of taking as we transition from mate to mate, until we find our true soul-mate.  A song titled, "Souvenirs." 

Someone wants a piece of you, never let 'em pay.
What you do not give them, time takes anyway.
Had I known what love is worth, I could have saved the tears.
Might have come in handy, like souvenirs.
I wanted more than one until I found the one I wanted.
Her memories are ghosts now, though I'm still pretty haunted.
What we gave each other ain't exactly clear.
Probably comes under the heading of souvenirs.
Pieces, bits and pieces add up through the years.
I've collected a small fortune in souvenirs.

While my love (and need) for running and for Jimmy Buffett all summer and

every Friday are all souvenirs from previous loves and influences in my life,

my husband John is the hands-down provider of the souvenirs that I'll keep,  

treasure and revisit for the rest of my life. 

Our daughter, Katrina.

My appreciation for good waiters.

My ability to laugh at myself and handle stressful situations with confidence

and humor.

Most importantly, my belief that I do deserve better, to be treated well 

and that even at my worst, I am beautiful. 

It's so easy to look back and wonder what might have been.

But the reality for me is that life as I know it and live it now is so much 

more than I ever dreamed of, felt that I deserved, or expected to have

until a man I almost overlooked showed me that I was worthy,

special, and deserved the absolute best that life could give.

I hope that all of my friends and followers have collected and can look back

with smiles at your own personal stash of souvenirs.  And if you haven't in

awhile, go through your treasure box this weekend and appreciate

where you are and who you are - because everyone deserves their

own happy ending.

Peace

Motherhood behind the purple curtain...

Today is mother's day.  That day of day's where mom's are celebrated and appreciated for what we do.  And what is it exactly that we do?  And for that matter, what does being a mom really mean?


I never really got motherhood until we had our daughter.  Sure, Kahlua and Koko came first and were both excellent learning ground, but somehow we never REALLY thought that crate training and treats would work for our new two-legged child.  (Well, the treats maybe.)


First, there's all the great stuff that being a mom means.
Lots of hugs and kisses.  Being the go-to parent for most of the early years.  
The expansion of your capacity to love something 500+ percent.
Being a mom is the most amazingly difficult, wonderful thing I've ever done and will likely ever do with my live.


Then, there's the motherhood behind the purple curtain.  (Why I picked purple, I have no clue - just go with it!)
This behind-the-scenes motherhood experience includes everything from sleepless nights with a fully awake baby to wondering if you still get brownie points for at least TRYING to breast feed - hey, not everyone can do it!
It's the stains you'll never get out of their clothes or yours.  It's getting down on the floor at her level and playing games like Candyland a million, kajillion times. It's drawing a little heart on her hand everyday when you drop her off at school so she can check for it when she needs to throughout the day.  
It's band-aids and blood.  Snarls and lice - 3x in one summer.  Bullies and best friends and a boyfriend, not to be confused with the boys who are just friends.  It's skipping through the mall or trying to not step on any of the lines of the floor in the school in the morning.  It's making soccer in the rain sound exciting when you flip it to "mud soccer!"  It's spelling and reading and math, every night, tears included on both sides.


I love being a mom, and wouldn't trade it for the world.  I'm not one to judge or compare, but I must say, I'm one of the best mom's I know when I check out the competition, umm, err, I mean some of the other mom's at school.  But really, the only people that need to think I'm a good mom are Katrina and John.  (And our extended pack of Kahlua, Koko, Willow, Princess and Shadow.)  The extended pack is an easier audience - food, potty and the occasional tummy rubbing are the only criteria for "good mom" with that crew!  


So - happy mother's day to all!  Enjoy your day, and for those who aren't mom's, you likely have one (unless you were hatched or dropped off by alien's) so appreciate them, hug them and don't tell them about the stain on the back of their shirts - let it go for just today.  ;)